After being stuck for a little over six months in the UK and the Netherlands during the pandemic, I returned to the United States and headed to Oregon to stay with an ex. We’d grown to be good friends over the years but stuck together in a house wasn’t meant to be; It turned out to be a terrible idea for a million different reasons. Not knowing where I wanted to be locked up next in the middle of a pandemic, I headed back to my childhood home in Southern California. Since my mother passed away four years ago, my father has been alone. I knew he wouldn’t mind the company for a few months and I knew it was a safe place for me until things calmed down.
I put myself back on the dating sites. This time I matched with a guy on Bumble. Bumble is an app where women make the first move by writing a message if you match with someone. The app said he was located about a mile away. Turns out, he had been living in a condo literally right behind my childhood home for the last ten years. I couldn’t believe we’d never met. Seemed like the perfect match. Best time to find someone local! You know: “Stay closer to home.” After chatting a bit, I suggested we meet at the local 1950’s style diner for some shakes since they had outdoor seating available.
I sat on a bench outside with my glow-in-the-dark constellation print mask, scanning the patio for a convenient spot. One that was at least six feet away from other groups, wondering if I should just leap into a seat. Eric showed up in a Zelda t-shirt and khaki shorts, which is a standard Southern California man uniform. Being a modern woman, I bought myself fries along with the chocolate shake he ordered. Later, he admitted he had asked for strawberry and just didn’t say anything to the employee at the counter. That was my first red flag.
We agreed to meet up for a walk around the neighborhood a couple of days later. I was shocked yet thrilled I had met a genuinely nice guy. I wasn’t sure where this would go, but what else what I was doing? He fit the current perimeters: He was nice and close to home. I had nothing to lose.
Eric was as sweet as can be. Possibly too sweet. He was born and raised in the area. He told me about teaching math at the same high school for the past 15 years. In the short time I’d known him, it was clear he liked consistency. I started to wonder if he ever stepped out of his comfort zone or acted spontaneously. Fortunately, I had some time to figure it out.
We didn’t walk very far before Eric asked me if I wanted to hang out on the patio at his place. Honestly, I didn’t hesitate. He had been teaching from home since March, and this was November. I got the feeling he wasn’t used to taking long walks around the neighborhood. In fact, I don’t think he left his condo much at all.
On the porch, we stared at each other for long moments. He seemed nervous, but started to lean in closer and closer, six feet became three. Three became an inch. Suddenly, he backed away, then took a breath. He whispered, “I really want to kiss you.” My eyes widened. I exclaimed, “Go for it!” We kissed. I found myself a bit perplexed. I wasn’t quite sure, but it kinda felt like I was kissing a teenager. He was an adorable 38 year old with brown eyes and scientist style wire-rimmed glasses. I just couldn’t shake the feeling I was missing something. I chalked it up to nerves. In the hopes of not appearing awkward, I began to fill the silence with conversation. Somehow, I made a casual comment about an ex who is a 42 year old virgin by choice. Eric choked on his words a bit. “Well, I am actually a virgin.” Suddenly, it all made sense.
At first, I was surprised by this revelation. I am 39 years old, and I haven’t heard anyone utter that sentence in years. He explained he was raised to wait until marriage. Ok, I thought. We’ll either be getting married soon or I’ll be friend zoned. At least there’s a plan!
We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together watching anime, making dinner together, and getting frozen yogurt. We walked around the neighborhood during almost every remaining sunset of 2020, and sometimes in the afternoon.
Six weeks later, I knew our time was short and it wasn’t going to work. I just couldn’t imagine myself staying back in my hometown forever, and he couldn’t imagine leaving it. He had no desire to travel, whereas I had already traveled the world, and planned on continuing my wandering ways after the pandemic. Shortly after Christmas, I had a feeling it was that time and he was going to break up with me. I was ready. I chose to stay silent about what my intuition was telling me. I felt it was important to allow him to express his feelings. After all, he had very little romantic experience in life. He looked at me and stumbled over his words. Several awkward moments later, “It’s not working out?” I volunteered. He shook his head forward.
I was happy to spend time with someone kind during the holidays. At the same time, I also admit it was a mistake. It was far too easy to settle for a relationship purely because it was highly convenient and fairly safe in a pandemic. He and I had nothing in common and no future ahead of us. I had known this from the beginning. We shouldn’t settle for relationships out of convenience but impossible in the long-term even during these trying times. Take this opportunity to find out what YOU really love! Find YOUR passion!
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